How bout you don't do that so near me

How about you not do your boyfriend in a public theater while I'm watching Benjamin Button? How bout that? Do you think you could restrain yourself for 2 hours and 45 minutes? Can you?

Clearly, you can't.

Recap:
I go to see Benjamin Button today at the theater a few blocks from my apartment. Recently, I've been down on going to the movies in general in New York because of the low level of scum I come across more often than not. To diverge a little bit, here are the most annoying people in a theater, most annoying first:

1. A couple who comes in late with 3 shopping bags each, 2 coats and concessions decide to sit directly next to you even though there are tons of seats. And then proceed to talk throughout the entire movie.
2. A group who sits down in the seat behind you and proceeds to be louder than would be required in a jackhammer factory and then kick your seat.
3. Anyone who smells... or talks. Shut it.

Moving on, I go to see Benjamin Button, finally, and I'm super happy I only have to pay $8. Cause it's the middle of the day. Score. And I'm the first one in the theater, double-score, and then not one of the 20 or so people who come in decides to sit in any annoying fashion around me.

However, about 10 minutes into the movie, a couple comes in and sits in the row in front of me, against the left-most wall. They're whispering to each other the entire time, and I notice the girl is propped up on the guy's lap. Then the guy pulls out what looks like a camera/camcorder and turns on some bright ass light on it, then immediately turns it off. He then does it again. I thought they were going to record the film or something. But no. Two minutes later he takes pictures with it - I could hear the "camera clicking sound" that comes standard on all those things going off like crazy. Okay, this is awesome in an of itself. Two fucking idiots fucking around with a camera, talking like crazy, and sitting on each other's laps.

It gets better.

They start making out. Hard core. Loud noises. Gross. Really gross. They get shushed at one point by someone who was across the theater, but they probably didn't hear it over their slobbering. Then, I see them disappear into the row, where they are then sprawled out across a few seats, going at it and groping each other again. Awesome. These people quickly became my favorite people ever. They then reappear with the girl on top, and oh what's that? Oh, yep, that's what I think it is. It's grinding. Up and down grinding against the seat back and oh yep there's the moaning okay I'm getting my jacket and purse and getting out of here.

Because I am a good Park Slope citizen and do not stand for ugly people effing during Benjamin Button, I tell on those assholes and get a refund and get the fuck out of there. So officially, now the most annoying people in a theater are those douchebags who specifically go to the theater to eff each other and ruin my award-nominated film experience. With those talkers closely behind.

My only regret is that my 75% full bottle of pink Vitamin water was abandoned in my exiting rage. Sonofabitch.